I did not sleep through the night well. I woke up every couple of hours. Each time, the first thing on my mind was stuff about work. The third time I woke up; I decided to sit up and meditate to slow down my mind. There were many thoughts at first, but I kept concentrating back to my breathing. In. Out. I don’t know how long it was but I finally calmed down enough to sleep restfully. I slept through all the time for my morning rituals. It was okay. I needed this time to quiet my mind and slow down.
When I arrived at the office, I knew that I wanted to focus in the things I wanted to discuss with my team. I have been feeling that we have not been communicating, well if it all sometimes. It’s been something I bring up at meetings. Each time, we come up with actions to address these concerns. Still a lot of reminding seems necessary. I feel that I have little visibility to what is being done or I get caught up much later. I wonder if it is my perception or expectations that need to be adjusted. I ask and others tell me that I should expect it and it will get better. However, this hasn’t been the case.
I also feel bad about revisiting things from my past. I really want to be over the old hurt and beliefs. Perhaps revisiting the past and current parts of ourselves is not stagnation. If we are doing the physical work to move us through these things, we are really moving forward. So what’s the work, my work? Writing, journaling, burning bowl ceremonies, releasing techniques. Not just talking about it.
I am doing so much work that at times it can feel scary – if not to me, then to others. I am very fortunate to have people in my life who can be honest and real with me. People who can challenge me as well as support me. I am moving forward. I am working hard from different extremes. At times, it seems like things are not moving fast enough or at all. I have to remember that that is only an illusion. It’s actually moving very quickly.
I remember when I first had the thought to move to this area. During that time, it felt as if things were stagnant, and times when I really questioned my desire. Then ‘all of a sudden’ everything fell into place and within a short period of time I was here! So the real question is, Am I doing the work? I know I am. If I am not taking action, then yes, there is stagnation. If I am acting upon my desires, through some action, ritual, reaching out into the world, then I have to also remember that everything that I desire is not based on my time. Divine order always knows the appropriate time for our desires. We just have to have faith and continue to make the necessary steps.
I tend to wait for things to show up to answer my questions. What if we asked Spirit to bring me what I truly desire? Then I am no longer wondering if this or that is what I am looking for. I don’t have to experiment. It will just show up perfectly as if I had all the details defined. All I need to do is show up and do my work. So, I keep ask and trust that my desires will be fulfilled. There is no additional effort needed.
Spirit, surprise me and bring to me, all that I want and desire.
I give it time to show up. Look for the signs everyday, knowing it is already in motion.
When I get to the place of anxiety, nervousness or discomfort, regarding life not happening quickly enough, what tools to I use to have my experience?- recognize that I am in this place when I feel it- slow down: by writing, by taking a moment to breathe, by stopping to silence my mind- allow what ever emotions that come up to come up- release – cry, scream, punch something, run, do something with it
