My life was defined by what I do.
I feel conflicted at work. I worked many years in a corporate environment. Years and years of producing work, doing things, leading me to think that defined who I was. Then I left the corporate world and went into business. Then that seemed to define who I was, in my mind. Then I decided to make another change. That choice, not fully known to me at the time, is what has led me to this place now.
The first time I visited Siesta Key, I went on my own. This was the greatest gift. I sat down and felt the soft, baby fine sand. The sun was shining and I could not help but cry happy tears. I believe my soul knew that I was home. That beach, that place will always be a magickal place for me! But like I said. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was taking the steps to move toward the life I truly desire. A little while later, I moved to this area. I made a choice to relocate to be in the warm climate, exactly where my soul knew I should be.
Moving to a place where we have no close support system is incredibly stressful. I got immersed in work. I let it, again, define who I was. I got involved in community organizations. I helped other people. All these things defined me… and yet somewhere along the way, I was getting lost in all the activity. I had little time for myself, by myself because there was so much to do! I know that sometimes it’s hard to know what we want until we know what we don’t want. What’s clear to me now is that I don’t need all those things to define me. I am who I am, who ever I choose to be at the time. I am. And that’s it!
But back to my work life. I accepted a position and here I am, in this place now, not wanting to be defined by what I do. Of course, I see so much of that where I work. Everyone defining this one or that one by the work we do. What else could we do? It’s all that we’ve ever known. So, what do I do with this awareness? It is as it is. Nothing has changed… except for me and my viewpoint. What happens now? I have said many times, that I want to work fewer hours, for much more money. I don’t think that that formula works in a corporate environment. That being true, what’s next for me? Ahhh… introspection… it always leads us to something else…
What I was feeling ‘lost’ it was caused by:
- being very busy, involved in a lot of things
- identified my value and identify to my work, my creations, my helping others, etc
- activities with various community organizations
We have talked about these things in the past. I knew in my mind that my value was not all those things. Yet here we are. This time, things are different because I am doing something different. I am not doing. I am slowing down, removing things from my day, my life. Less activity. Greater clarity.
What were the things I did to ‘find’ myself…
- Remove myself from all the people that I knew, spent time with, family, friends, acquaintances
- Pay attention to my feelings… Notice my joy, my happiness and peace
- Be still, quiet, meditation
- Focus my thoughts on the things that are true – I AM THAT… I AM…
- Focus my thoughts and intentions on my desires for my life
- Choosing me over all other things
